Every relationship experiences some conflict. Some conflicts in relationships are more than others, Fighting over small things and flipping out over misunderstandings. Then there are those that are seem like a never ending pattern of conflict that will end in divorce.
If you want to stop the cycle of conflict in your relationship, consider these 5 easy steps to bring harmony back to your relationship.
1. Remain Calm – This means that despite inner feelings to explode due to the situation, you intentionally collect yourself and decide to control those flooding emotions. When we act out in anger, we sometimes do or say things we later regret deeply. Remaining calm is challenging but attainable. You can do it!
2. Listen Carefully – After taking some deep breathes and getting your thoughts under control, it is important for you to listen to your partner, find out what caused the conflict to occur, or why he/she did what they did or said. Some actions or words are unintentional, never meant to cause hurt, as well as others were. In cases too, your interpretation of the matter is false.
3. Pick out points of conflict – Now you have heard the whole story. What do you do next? Pick from it the points that caused you to have a problem in the first place, like, suppose he said; “honey, I took all the money from our account today to buy a truck that was on sale, couldn’t let the offer pass”. What might bother you about that might be the part about him taking “all the money” from the account that belongs to “both of you” but he didn’t tell you about it before going ahead with the deal, so in that case, you need to state that, so he knows what exactly your upset about. Or, if it’s a conflict that is more complicated, you could make a list, and tackle them one by one.
4. Allow each person to express himself – This step is usually the longest. The points are on the table; allow your partner to respond to each instead of selfishly going on because you are upset. If you do, then you would realize that both of you are having a conversation; you guys are talking instead of fighting and yelling.
5. Make a decision – After all the talking and expressing of feelings or “after the smoke clears” as some would put it, both you and your partner have to now decide what conclusion to make of the matter. Whether to apologize and reassure that future decisions of such magnitude will be discussed first, as in the above situation, or you both agree to disagree on the matter. Whatever the decision is, promise each other and yourself not to bring it up in any other disagreement that may arise. Don’t open old wounds that you have closed, it can be annoying. Move forward instead of always dipping in the past.